Open Family Australia

When I was a little girl I wanted to be so many things

A teacher, a policewoman, a singer ... but what I really wanted to be was a professional netballer.  That’s what I wanted to be.

My real Dad abused me and my sister everyway possible. I saw my Mum being tortured, once he put a face washer over her face and poured boiling water over her.   I tried to protect my little brother as much as possible.

Dad would drug us with morphine to have his way with us and so he didn’t have to look after us. That is how our addiction started. He died when I was 9, six months after we escaped. I took on a lot of the parental role, helping my mother and looking after my brother and sister.

I left school in Year 12, halfway through, because I was pregnant with my son. I thought it was important to get a job - get a certificate in business behind me to make money for the baby because I didn’t want to be on the dole.

I would be dead if it wasn't for my son – I would have killed myself without having him in my life. He is the only reason I am here.

I am really struggling. It is not so much the stuff that my Dad did to me, and not just what my uncle and stepdad have also done to me, but that I have major trust issues with my Mum. She denies everything yet she married the guy who abused me and my sister.

Next year I am going to TAFE to finish my VCE so I can go onto university. I was doing Year 12 last year and was devastated I had to stop that. But I needed to be there for my sister who tried to kill herself and look after her in the hospital. I also needed to be there for my Mum to get through that.

I have had to push away a bit from my family especially my Mum because she always dumps stuff on me. I love her and I feel really guilty for having to pull away but I need to be right myself cause I am not getting anywhere … I am going back and forth, back and forth.

If I had a daughter I would tell her not to sell your body on the streets because once you start it is hard to stop.  Do not take drugs.  Respect yourself.  Find someone you can trust and be open with them for everything so you can talk to them, talk your problems out instead of delaying them with drugs.

In five years time I want to have finished Year 12 and going to university to study law. I can’t do this on my own. I need stability, strategy and someone there for me full time. I need to develop that full-on trust for someone. For me to be with an Open Family worker, I need to learn to develop that. I want to be out of housing commission, not street working and off the methadone.

That’s my dream now.

*Michelle